Hope for Soap
by Sniper Typhoon Hedgehog
Summary: Again he feels this way. I can't believe just what I've seen. Why must life be so harsh? Written to Song Of Hope by Crush 40.  Don't know what to include in this summary...


**Disclaimer: I am completely aware that this is not canon.  
>Also, I don't own Call of Duty or anything associated with it.<strong>

**"Song of Hope" by Crush 40 is a charity single made to help out the victims of last year's earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Please buy off iTunes to help out!  
><strong>

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><p>The final practice target fell down backwards as an empty bullet shell hit the concrete floor with a characteristic ping.<p>

"What's wrong, Soap?" Roach spoke up. "You're not as quick and accurate like usual. Something troubling you, mate?"

Soap took a deep long sigh as he ejected the now empty magazine and put the M4a1 he was using back on the rack he took it off from. "No." He replied while looking at the floor, hand still touching the rifle. "Don't worry about me and focus more on your duties."

"Don't be shy, captain. No one will think of you any different if you do talk about it a little. It's alright, Soap."

Soap sighed again. "It wouldn't really concern you." The captain then walked out of the indoor firing range, not even looking Roach in the eye.

Roach watched out the door as Soap walked away, a bit slower than he usually walked. "Something's up." He said to himself.

It was mostly cloudy out. The sun peeked through occasionally, but now there was a light rain and a frigid breeze. Typical February weather. Soap didn't mind, as long as he had some time alone now; no one was really outside in this weather. He wasn't really heading anywhere, just walking out in the open where no one was looking. He felt the small, chilled sprinkles of water touch his face as he gazed up into the clouds. A lot of stuff he has been through ever since joining the SAS; things both good and not so good. His time as a soldier have without a doubt been some of the most joyful, as well as the most torturous days of his life. Yet everything has gone by faster than a game of Search and Destroy on the map: Shipment.

"Your care package ain't gonna come if you don't mark the DZ!" Three guys had been watching Soap as he was staring upwards. Soap looked over to them as they laughed a little. It was Gaz, Ghost, and Yuri standing on a patio-type area outside one of the buildings on the base. Soap couldn't tell which one of them cracked the joke, but it was obviously Gaz or Ghost, but it was still unclear, as Gaz and Ghost sound exactly the same. "Why you looking upwards out in the middle of the rain, Soap?"

The Scotsman sighed again. "Little refresher, I guess...?" He didn't sound positive. "It doesn't rain too often here."

"It sure as hell rained a lot last week!" Gaz reminded him. "I think an alligator is living in the back lot now. In fact, I hear it growl whenever Yuri passes by!" Yuri gave a friendly shove to Gaz.

Soap couldn't help but give a small smile. However, it went away within one second. "Huh, I guess..."

The three of them seemed a little giddier than usual. Or not. Gaz was always the one on the base to crack all the jokes. He would always brighten up the base with his antics.

But today, it didn't work for Soap.

"Hey," Gaz got his attention back. "You alright? C'mon in the dry!"

"I'm just fine." Soap assured. "Don't worry."

Ghost walked out from under the shelter and into the rain to meet with Soap. "C'mon mate!" He encouraged. "We're your friends. We got a fourth chair, why don't you join us for a chat!"

"We 'chatted' all last week, even while racing through the obstacle courses!"

Ghost took a short pause. "That's not like you, Soap. You usually love talking a little when there's nothing better to do."

"Who says I'm not busy now?" Without another word, Soap walked past Ghost and headed for his barracks.

Ghost turned to Gaz and shrugged. Gaz did the same.

"Maybe he's still suffering from his post-traumatic stress disorder." Yuri spoke up.

"Could be." Answered Gaz.

Shortly, a fourth man joined them. It was Roach. "Hey, everything alright with Soap?"

"Don't think so. Slippery bastard seems depressed. He wont respond to anything."

"PTSD showing its head again?"

"That's what we think." Ghost informed as they all watched Soap walk into the innards of his quarters.

"Doubt it." A voice commented from behind.

Ghost jumped at the surprise. Turning around, they all noticed it was Captain Price. "Bloody hell, mate!" He sighed in relief. "How long you been there?"

"About since _you've_ all been here. Just making sure you boys don't do anything _stupid_." He said that last line exactly how he always said it during stealth missions.

"So you heard the story about the shaving cream and the 3-ring binder we just told?" Yuri asked nervously.

"Yes."

"Uh oh." Yuri casually and innocently walked over to the other side of Gaz, away from Price.

Price immediately got back to the point, just like he was always good at. "Do any of you know how long Soap's been like this?"

"Urm..." Gaz thought. "I don't know. Sorry."

"Since this past Tuesday- Valentine's Day."

"Oh. That was rhetorical..."

Roach found it all pretty strange, but he was never really the emotional type. "But why would he be sad on Valentine's Day?" He asked. "Of all days..."

"It leads me think he misses someone or something, perhaps. Nostalgia. If you boys haven't noticed, and I know you haven't, he does this a little every year. This time though, it seems pretty rough. Usually it would all go away by the time he steps out of the barracks for the first time that day. Sometimes it would come back, but leave again shortly after."

"How do you know this?" Ghost wondered.

Price sighed. "He's a real close mate of mine now. None of you know everything we've been through."

There was a moment of silence.

"Guess I should go talk to the bugger." Price mentioned.

Gaz, Ghost, and Yuri acknowledged. As Price headed toward Soap's quarters, the three of them proceeded to do something else. It was then when Yuri thought heard something growl faintly at him.

Soap sat on the side of his bed, fiddling empty-mindedly with an empty AK-47 he captured out on a mission one day. He wasn't even looking at the AK, rather he was just staring at the floor and letting his hands freely mess around with it. His trance was soon broken by the door of the barracks opening, letting in a chilly wind, a little rain splash, and an Englishman with a very impressive mustache. Soap rested the AK against the wall. "Price." He greeted.

"What's wrong, boy?" He asked. "And don't say you're just fine, because something's wrong."

Soap sighed and slowly shook his head while still looking at the floor. He waited a few seconds before saying another word. He realized that it was useless to hide it anymore. He had already opened up to Price before. Just holding it in wouldn't do him any good. Eventually, Soap decided to talk.

He explained to Price that he was depressed since Valentine's Day, just as Price had thought. Soap said that just about every year on that day, he was reminded of the day he told everyone he was called up by the SAS to go to war. Everyone was shocked at that news, he remembered. Even he himself was, but he knew that he had signed up for it, and went without hesitation. But that was just the beginning. Soap explained how much he missed his friends back home, and his church family as well, who pray everyday for his safe return. That wasn't all though. Valentine's Day reminded him of all the times he saved the world while on the brink of death. That inturn always reminded him of all the people who died because of the actions of evil men. He thought about this a lot. It would always make him feel guilty that he was one of the very few who survived. Why could it have been him instead, he always thought. All those people, both his fellow comrades, and the innocent civillians. He even felt sorrow for the enemies he and his team had killed out on the field of battle. It wasn't their fault they had to go through such times, they too were killed by the actions of evil men, even at the fact that it were those same evil men who commanded them. All those people. He also tied it back to Valentine's Day; what about the friends, families, and lovers of the brave souls who where KIA? How would they feel to know that someone very close to them would never come home now? Again, Soap kept telling himself that it was all his fault that he survived. He sometimes thought that it would be better for him to die in order for someone else to live, perhaps someone who had more to live for.

"I understand, Soap." Price assured. "But consider it a blessing that you haven't died yet. Maybe your role on this earth isn't yet complete, and you still have your destiny to fulfill. But you wont fulfill it if you just beat yourself about it. If you feel bad, do something about it! That's why you're here- to fight in order to save the lives of others. There are some evil men running around free in the world right now, so it's up to you to stop them before they can destroy the whole world. Just remember our Special Air Service motto: 'Who Dares Wins'!"

Soap understood all he had heard. He still felt sad, but at the same time, much better. He knew Price was right, he had a duty to get done. "As much as I hate to admit it," Soap said, "I think you're right."

"Hmph, well you better start liking it!" Price told him. "Because it's gonna happen a lot in the future!"

Soap rolled his eyes as he stood up off his bed. "Whatever you say, old man!"

"Indeed." Price said as they both laughed. "Now, as for your duties, you have yours today."

Soap took in a deep breath and stood up straight. "Yes sir!" He answered as he walked over to a G36C resting on a nearby crate. "I'll keep watch."

"No no no." Price grabbed his shoulder and gently pulled him away from the rifle he was about to grab. "I don't mean like that. We already got a few guys on that. What I mean is that Gaz is making his famous bean stew tonight and he has requested some of your special seasoning to go with it!"

Soap grinned and gave a small laugh. "Okay then," he continued to smile, "yes sir! I will go!"

"So stop standing around and go have fun with your mates!"

"Right!" Soap turned and headed toward the door. "Oh, or should I say, as Gaz and Ghost would say..."

Price knew what was coming, and said it along with his friend. "Let's do this!" They laughed as Soap opened the door and trotted over to the chow hall to help out; the chill of the rain woke him up a little more.

Feeling better than ever, Soap now enjoyed the fellowship with his great mates, just as he should on Valentine's Day, even though it was long past.

"So," Gaz said eventually, "Looks like you finally marked the DZ!"

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><p><strong>Gah, kinda cheesy, I know... Oh well!<strong>


End file.
